Tales From October, they were not meant to be tales of personal woe and sadness. I started out with the intent to just write stories here, and in my third blog. And for awhile, I succeeded at that, as two, then three of three blogs were all about the stories I was writing. Only I have faltered of late and taken to writing about me. Mind you, I am doing a better job of it and don't feel it is just dull blather, but something approaching thoughtful reading.

I will get back to my writing, as I am not about to let the story in this blog go unfinished. I'm just struggling with it...and some heaviness in my heart. Heaviness I can write through if I put my mind to it, but I am choosing not to and am here, lingering in sadnesses. It is of some help, but not as helpful to me as a finished story. Or even the first one hundred rejection letters from friendly and not so friendly publishing houses as I try to launch my long dreamed of writing career.

Yet, I haven't taken that single first step on this very important part of the journey. And this when I ghave had writing to send for almost four years. I won't say that writing for the sake of writing, to just prove to yourself that you can do it serves no useful goal, but since my aim is to have a writing career, a viable company of my own, where I see my projects being read, by dozens, hundreds, if not thousands of people, then not taking that scary step as of yet marks me as a failure. I'm used to failing, but if I let this be my ever and always, my complete happiness will be...difficult in the extreme.

And writing may well be the best way for me to have a go at achieving another equally difficult happiness. Or is that an even more difficult achievement? I wish i knew the answer to that question. But dreaming of an answer being given is not going to get that answer delivered as on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way. Is that to the better? Hah! Part of me will always say no to that. But I must ignore that part if me and listen to the striving heart.The stubborn part of me that insists that I will make it as a writer. That is the part that has the best chance of trying to succeed at the other quest.

Hmm, I see the future in my mind and it is good. Different futures imagined, but all of them ending sweetly. But the sweet ending is far off. Before then, I have much work to do. So I really have to stop procrastinating...tomorrow.

 

Charles Petrie